The following is a post from a friend of a friend in Plurk. The story is very cool and just goes to show that sometimes when things seem to be going wrong, they can end up going very right.
Well, Before the flood I used to go spend weekends at bf's house. I live in the city and he lives in this little village type town just outside the outer parts of the city. It was middle of winter and there had been heavy snow fall. Probably 2 -3 feet in places and more was coming in. So I decided to head home before the next snow storm hit.
The temperatures were below zero and it ended up being the coldest night of the year. Because there was so much snow on the ground my bf normally kept to the main roads as they were the ones cleared first and usually pretty clear. For whatever reason he took the back roads into town. We are driving through this little neighborhood and he makes a wrong turn and goes through a way we don't normally go through the neighborhood. But this was no big deal because all the roads loop together...
Well, we pass this spot and I'm telling him about stuff that had happened in SL (SecondLife) when he says, "Sorry guy, I'm not stopping." I ask him what he means and he explains some guy was waving at him...trying to flag him down. Me being the logical one realize immediately that its way too freaking cold for car jackers or robbers to be out...its 2 am...and we're in an area that is considered the bad part of town to be in at night..so I tell him to go back. He fusses about it but does cause I'm having a fit about it.
We turn around and as we pass this house a young man comes half running half sliding down a driveway, wearing blue jeans and sweatshirt. No coat, no hat, no gloves, and he's wearing low top shoes. He's waving his arms like crazy so we stop and he rushes over and says, "Thank god you stopped! No one is around, no one will answer their door. My car got stuck in the snow. I'm lost. I have no idea where I am. I was trying to pick my girlfriend up from a party and got lost. I was on the phone with her trying to find my way out when my phone went dead." Immediately my boyfriend's compassion kicks in when he realizes this guy is 16 or 18 and scared to death.
We tell him to get in the car...to which he smartly hesitates but gets in. He'd left his coat at home and he'd been drinking. We drove him to a gas station so he could use the phone to get a ride.
We made sure they would let him stay inside while he waited before we left. But after that we realized if we had not gone that way he probably would have frozen to death. And there was no way he could have walked out of the area because that area is a maze..there is three ways in or out and if you don't know them you won't find them.
Life takes some strange turns. Some of them lead to really good endings.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Kids can be fun.
My son wants an allowance. A reasonable request, for the most part.
However, I don't believe in just giving a kid money. I have this twisted idea that they should earn it somehow. Yeah, I'm a horrible parent.
I have shown him how to wash dishes before and so I figured I would open this opportunity and I told him this morning to wash all of the dirty dishes in the kitchen.
I pointed them out.
Silverware was already in the sink, plates and bowls were stacked on the table, glasses were mostly on the table, some pans on the stove... I told him that he can do them in stages through the day while I was at work.
By now, you have probably figured out that he is a teenager.
Well, I called him when I was on the bus coming home (almost 9 hours later) to ask if he had finished. He said he had done the silverware and didn't know where the other dishes were.
I asked him if he was kidding.
He asked why I asked him that.
He also asked where the dishes were.
I told him to guess. Then I said if he couldn't guess, then go into the kitchen.
Then I told him if he wasn't washing them by the time I got home in 8 minutes, he didn't deserve to go to the rather nice high school I have him signed up for.
I came in the house and heard washing in the kitchen so I sat down in the living room. He came in a little bit after to tell me he had finished the glasses and cups.
I went into the kitchen and asked him "what are those?"
pointing to about 7 glasses and 3 cups sitting *right next to* the sink.
He had washed the ones on the table, but neglected to see the ones on the counter.
I originally wrote this over a year ago. Little has changed. He is still a teenager.
However, I don't believe in just giving a kid money. I have this twisted idea that they should earn it somehow. Yeah, I'm a horrible parent.
I have shown him how to wash dishes before and so I figured I would open this opportunity and I told him this morning to wash all of the dirty dishes in the kitchen.
I pointed them out.
Silverware was already in the sink, plates and bowls were stacked on the table, glasses were mostly on the table, some pans on the stove... I told him that he can do them in stages through the day while I was at work.
By now, you have probably figured out that he is a teenager.
Well, I called him when I was on the bus coming home (almost 9 hours later) to ask if he had finished. He said he had done the silverware and didn't know where the other dishes were.
I asked him if he was kidding.
He asked why I asked him that.
He also asked where the dishes were.
I told him to guess. Then I said if he couldn't guess, then go into the kitchen.
Then I told him if he wasn't washing them by the time I got home in 8 minutes, he didn't deserve to go to the rather nice high school I have him signed up for.
I came in the house and heard washing in the kitchen so I sat down in the living room. He came in a little bit after to tell me he had finished the glasses and cups.
I went into the kitchen and asked him "what are those?"
pointing to about 7 glasses and 3 cups sitting *right next to* the sink.
He had washed the ones on the table, but neglected to see the ones on the counter.
I originally wrote this over a year ago. Little has changed. He is still a teenager.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Don't sell Rudolph short
Every alternate Christmas, I spend with my sons. They are a joy and a trial. Any parent will know, almost implicitly, what that means. This is an off year. They are with their mother having traveled to the other coast to spend Christmas with her and her family. What that affords me is a time to reflect because, well, that is one of the things I do.
I grew up watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, The Little Drummer Boy, and so many more themes that, over the years, have changed. Did you grow up with these stories? They taught me a few lessons that I really didn't think about until they were lost. I don't want them to be lost, so I'm going to muse about them here.
First, and seemingly tangentially, let me say that I do not like bullying. Competition is a reality of life, but should be tempered with sportsmanship. Bullying is a form of competition without the sportsmanship. Why do I mention this?
Recently, I saw a picture that had a strong statement that included a reference to Rudolph. In context, it was a very positive statement of compassion for the underdog (not Underdog, although I may address him, someday, as well). I don't remember the way it went, exactly, but what essentially it said was that we need to be open to the differences between people and not look down on them. Viewing the story of Rudolph in this light, the other reindeer appear to be bullies. I agree with the sentiment, but am saddened by the interpretation.
As I was growing up, we understood that life was hard. Make no mistake, "life" neither cares for or against you. The caring comes from those around you. The caring will come from your mother, father, sister, brother, boyfriend, girlfriend, son, daughter, grand parents/children, pets, coworkers, friends, neighbors, passing strangers, and so on. You won't always understand the form of that caring. In fact, you will often misunderstand the caring until it is "too late" (if "too late" is possible, again, another topic).
Where did I learn these things? From stories like Rudolph in the lost context of the times. From the context of "we are all in this together and each of us can contribute something." The magic is to not feel sorry for yourself and just find that "something." Rudolph found it.
You may remember some of the stories that I remember. Each had a message that sticks with me today, a "few" years later. Each, in its own way, said "find your special place and help us all."
The story of the really small person that couldn't run, jump, climb, etc like the "normal" kids. I don't even remember if they made fun of him, it doesn't matter. What mattered is that he was the only one that could fit in a small place and help the king find something, maybe his crown under some immovable chair.
The story of the mouse and the lion where the small mouse was able to help the enormous lion by pulling a thorn from his paw.
And, Rudolph, who I had never thought of as having been made fun of in a mean way, only that his parents tried to help him cover up his "difference", his father was bothered by his difference at work and his friends picked on the aspect he hadn't been allowed to identify with other than as a "difference." Once he found a way to accept himself as he was and that this difference could be seen as a strength, he became part of society.
The one thing I wish for us all is that we can stop looking at how we are downtrodden, how we are "different" (as if that is a bad thing), how we are kept apart; and see that by allowing these differences to hold us back, we give power to the hate groups and separationists. Do you care? If so, then help somebody see that their difference isn't really all that different. Help them join the rest of us on Misfit Island, also known as "the real world."
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friends in search of common ground
It is rare, the day that you pass without some minor misunderstanding based on different uses of the same word. To some, the word "stupid" means "not smart". To others it might mean (slangish) "Lots of" as in "He's got stupid money!"
I have found, of late, that the term "Friend" has a similar problem. My exposure to the word, up until recent years, has been in reference to a person who you can call if you need a ride to the airport, maybe go out for drinks or, as long as you don't do this too often, ask if you can sleep on their couch.
There are modifiers that can subdivide or extend this group, such as "Fair weather friend" or "True friend"; but, "Friend" hasn't been a very strong guarantee of "support."
Enter the new definition.
I have met some people in the last couple of years that have so changed my life, so opened my eyes to new meanings of friendship that I am at a bit of a loss to reconcile the disparate meanings of the word. This new meaning seems to take "True friend" and places it in the middle of the scale. I had heard them use the word "friend" before and it seemed to have a different taste to it, a richer taste, a more flavorful bouquet. It was only when looking for some more words on a continuum that we came to see the disparity of our meanings of the word.
I have found, of late, that the term "Friend" has a similar problem. My exposure to the word, up until recent years, has been in reference to a person who you can call if you need a ride to the airport, maybe go out for drinks or, as long as you don't do this too often, ask if you can sleep on their couch.
There are modifiers that can subdivide or extend this group, such as "Fair weather friend" or "True friend"; but, "Friend" hasn't been a very strong guarantee of "support."
Enter the new definition.
I have met some people in the last couple of years that have so changed my life, so opened my eyes to new meanings of friendship that I am at a bit of a loss to reconcile the disparate meanings of the word. This new meaning seems to take "True friend" and places it in the middle of the scale. I had heard them use the word "friend" before and it seemed to have a different taste to it, a richer taste, a more flavorful bouquet. It was only when looking for some more words on a continuum that we came to see the disparity of our meanings of the word.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Why lying works
What is lying? Why do we do it? Why can't we all just get along?
Dictionary.com defines lying as "the telling of lies; untruthfulness." That is a start.
What is a lie? Well, for most of us it is when somebody wants to hide the truth from us. They are looking to gain from our ignorance, to profit from our lack of knowledge. Most of us are familiar with a young child saying "I didn't eat the cookies" or some such. You will often hear somebody say, indignantly, "That is a lie!" This is accompanied with a look of disdain, shock, surprise or being hurt. We all say that we don't like being lied to.
But is that really true? Do you always want to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I doubt it.
This brings me to my next point, "When do we like being lied to?".
There are many types of lies. There are friendly lies and evil lies. There are lies to hide embarrassment and lies to cause embarrassment. Some lies are made to save a person from hurt while other lies are full frontal assaults on a person's dignity. When your wife asks "does this make me look fat?" or your husband asks "what do you think of the dress I bought you?" it may be the best thing to close your mind's eye and dig up something you heard in a movie.
Does it really serve any purpose to tell your best friend that you saw his/her girl/boy friend with somebody else at the movies last night? Especially if you know that there is tension in the relationship already? You don't know the circumstance and you may well cause more pain than less by the comment. What is the harm in saying you didn't see them? Probably, not much.
We will often lie or hear lies for the "greater good" or something like that. We will also make "little lies" to avoid a seemingly irrelevant inconvenience. What did you say to yourself or your kids when noticing that you were going 65 in a 55 speed limit zone? Did you really contribute that much cash to charitable organizations? Did you really intend to take out the trash? Does the public really need to know about the prisons we operate on foreign soil? How do you define "having sex" when it comes to cigars? And, my eternal favorite "I am sorry, I have no recollection of that conversation, your honor."
Did you know that teachers lie to students almost every day? Yup, it is true. So do parents to their children (and children to their parents), governments to their constituents, leaders to their followers and so on. I'll get back to teachers in a minute, but what about parents and children? Most of the lies we tell our children are as encouragement or to add mystery to life. And children will often do anything to please their parents so "Yes, I cleaned up my room" shouldn't surprise any rational parent when they actually check.
But teachers? What blasphemy is this that I say teachers lie? Well, I am sorry, Virginia, they do. My favorite example is from the field of economics. I will apologize to anyone that hasn't taken an introductory economics course. This is just one example and can be extrapolated to nearly every corner of education.
When we begin our foray into the field of economics, we are taught about the fundamental laws of supply and demand. As more suppliers provide more product, there comes a point when prices will fall. This is because when there is more demand than supply, prices are high; when there is more supply than demand, prices are low. Just look at Beanie Babies during the insanity of the 1990s and "Britannia Bears" selling for 350 British Pounds or, conversely, Sara Palin's parody of writing "Going Rogue" which Amazon was selling a deep reduction during the pre-release sales period. (But, I digress.) The relationship between supply and demand is obvious. So obvious, in fact, that you will spend your first semester drawing little X's on graph paper to show supply, demand and the intersection where the "optimum price" is.
Now, do you really believe in supply and demand curves? Really? They don't exist. They are a lie. You were sold a bill of goods which, by the way, don't show up on a supply and demand curve. Before anybody gets up in arms about this assertion, think about it. Can anyone accurately (or even inaccurately) draw a demand curve? Are you prepared to include the shift in the curve that varies as prices are rising which differs from the way it shifts as prices fall?
The interesting bit is that we learn from well designed lies. Let's go back to that introductory economics class. What would be the benefit to try to explain the elasticity of demand, irrational purchase habits, brand-bias and so on when all you are trying to show is the fundamental idea that as demand increases, price will likely increase and, on the other side, the more that are available, the less people are willing to pay?
The reason we don't mind these lies is that they are designed to be stepping stones. Once we understand the underlying mechanisms that drive these abstract concepts, we are able to throw away the crutch and walk on wobbly legs until we are more sure-footed. We actually grow from some well planned lies. In fact, we often grow to the point that we can see, before being told, that they were lies and we begin to form our own view of reality. With luck, we begin to ask questions and are then introduced to the next set of crutches to help us hobble to the next level of knowledge. More lies. :)
There are many forms of these instructional or educational lies. Some are more benign than others and some are meant to shape and form our entire lives. If you have ever heard somebody talk about the sun coming up, you have heard what started as a misunderstanding which has turned into a convenient lie. I will not (for the moment) get into the interesting discussion of Santa Claus, God and population control.
I guess the important part here is that as the lies become unnecessary, we need to discard them to grow. We need to continue questioning everything we are taught because, in most cases, we were taught instructional lies. There are some that have a problem with this but, really, I find it quite refreshing as long as it is taken at face value. This is why it is so important to teach kids the value of questions, as well as teaching them to learn from lies; to use the lies as a path to the truth.
The truth will set you free...
Dictionary.com defines lying as "the telling of lies; untruthfulness." That is a start.
What is a lie? Well, for most of us it is when somebody wants to hide the truth from us. They are looking to gain from our ignorance, to profit from our lack of knowledge. Most of us are familiar with a young child saying "I didn't eat the cookies" or some such. You will often hear somebody say, indignantly, "That is a lie!" This is accompanied with a look of disdain, shock, surprise or being hurt. We all say that we don't like being lied to.
But is that really true? Do you always want to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I doubt it.
This brings me to my next point, "When do we like being lied to?".
There are many types of lies. There are friendly lies and evil lies. There are lies to hide embarrassment and lies to cause embarrassment. Some lies are made to save a person from hurt while other lies are full frontal assaults on a person's dignity. When your wife asks "does this make me look fat?" or your husband asks "what do you think of the dress I bought you?" it may be the best thing to close your mind's eye and dig up something you heard in a movie.
Does it really serve any purpose to tell your best friend that you saw his/her girl/boy friend with somebody else at the movies last night? Especially if you know that there is tension in the relationship already? You don't know the circumstance and you may well cause more pain than less by the comment. What is the harm in saying you didn't see them? Probably, not much.
We will often lie or hear lies for the "greater good" or something like that. We will also make "little lies" to avoid a seemingly irrelevant inconvenience. What did you say to yourself or your kids when noticing that you were going 65 in a 55 speed limit zone? Did you really contribute that much cash to charitable organizations? Did you really intend to take out the trash? Does the public really need to know about the prisons we operate on foreign soil? How do you define "having sex" when it comes to cigars? And, my eternal favorite "I am sorry, I have no recollection of that conversation, your honor."
Did you know that teachers lie to students almost every day? Yup, it is true. So do parents to their children (and children to their parents), governments to their constituents, leaders to their followers and so on. I'll get back to teachers in a minute, but what about parents and children? Most of the lies we tell our children are as encouragement or to add mystery to life. And children will often do anything to please their parents so "Yes, I cleaned up my room" shouldn't surprise any rational parent when they actually check.
But teachers? What blasphemy is this that I say teachers lie? Well, I am sorry, Virginia, they do. My favorite example is from the field of economics. I will apologize to anyone that hasn't taken an introductory economics course. This is just one example and can be extrapolated to nearly every corner of education.
When we begin our foray into the field of economics, we are taught about the fundamental laws of supply and demand. As more suppliers provide more product, there comes a point when prices will fall. This is because when there is more demand than supply, prices are high; when there is more supply than demand, prices are low. Just look at Beanie Babies during the insanity of the 1990s and "Britannia Bears" selling for 350 British Pounds or, conversely, Sara Palin's parody of writing "Going Rogue" which Amazon was selling a deep reduction during the pre-release sales period. (But, I digress.) The relationship between supply and demand is obvious. So obvious, in fact, that you will spend your first semester drawing little X's on graph paper to show supply, demand and the intersection where the "optimum price" is.
Now, do you really believe in supply and demand curves? Really? They don't exist. They are a lie. You were sold a bill of goods which, by the way, don't show up on a supply and demand curve. Before anybody gets up in arms about this assertion, think about it. Can anyone accurately (or even inaccurately) draw a demand curve? Are you prepared to include the shift in the curve that varies as prices are rising which differs from the way it shifts as prices fall?
The interesting bit is that we learn from well designed lies. Let's go back to that introductory economics class. What would be the benefit to try to explain the elasticity of demand, irrational purchase habits, brand-bias and so on when all you are trying to show is the fundamental idea that as demand increases, price will likely increase and, on the other side, the more that are available, the less people are willing to pay?
The reason we don't mind these lies is that they are designed to be stepping stones. Once we understand the underlying mechanisms that drive these abstract concepts, we are able to throw away the crutch and walk on wobbly legs until we are more sure-footed. We actually grow from some well planned lies. In fact, we often grow to the point that we can see, before being told, that they were lies and we begin to form our own view of reality. With luck, we begin to ask questions and are then introduced to the next set of crutches to help us hobble to the next level of knowledge. More lies. :)
There are many forms of these instructional or educational lies. Some are more benign than others and some are meant to shape and form our entire lives. If you have ever heard somebody talk about the sun coming up, you have heard what started as a misunderstanding which has turned into a convenient lie. I will not (for the moment) get into the interesting discussion of Santa Claus, God and population control.
I guess the important part here is that as the lies become unnecessary, we need to discard them to grow. We need to continue questioning everything we are taught because, in most cases, we were taught instructional lies. There are some that have a problem with this but, really, I find it quite refreshing as long as it is taken at face value. This is why it is so important to teach kids the value of questions, as well as teaching them to learn from lies; to use the lies as a path to the truth.
The truth will set you free...
Just what is a biodag?
I was thinking the other day that I wanted a place to put some random thoughts. My idea is to have a place to write stuff that just pokes into my brain or cuts into my thought stream. So, I decided to start another blog. I already have one for poems and that really isn't what this one is about anyway.
So, what to name it? The poetry one is "Dirkisms" so I thought I would try another play on "Dirk", so I looked up "dirk" in dictionary.com. It appears that it is a type of dagger or, in Gaelic, a "biodag". Kinda cool name.
I like the somewhat strange idea of metaphorical dagger poking through the veil of daily thought to open a hole in the norm. And, that is what this is all about. I hope to start putting some of my random, poked through the veil of average, thought here because, well, I want to.
Maybe somebody else will find something interesting... we shall see.
enjoy.
So, what to name it? The poetry one is "Dirkisms" so I thought I would try another play on "Dirk", so I looked up "dirk" in dictionary.com. It appears that it is a type of dagger or, in Gaelic, a "biodag". Kinda cool name.
I like the somewhat strange idea of metaphorical dagger poking through the veil of daily thought to open a hole in the norm. And, that is what this is all about. I hope to start putting some of my random, poked through the veil of average, thought here because, well, I want to.
Maybe somebody else will find something interesting... we shall see.
enjoy.
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